Thor: The Dark World, (Bifrost) bridging the gap?

Today is November the 11th, alongside other, much more important events it is also the UK release date for Pacific Rim on Blu Ray (mine is en route courtesy of Sainsburys, as Amazon didn't have the steelbook version available), so I thought that now was as good a time as any to return to my lapsed blog (apologies for that, I got busy with work, then went to America for a fortnight, then just got really lazy).

Last week, I took a trip to the cinema to go see Thor: The Dark World, I'm currently 50/50 on Marvel's "phase 2" offerings, Iron Man 3 was a supremely well written character vehicle designed to extract the best performance possible out of Robert Downey Jr (they even got Shane Black in, to attempt to generate some of that Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang spark, which worked) while Agents of SHIELD is a badly written, woefully cast extended advert for the Marvel Cinematic Universe (rendered particularly redundant by the fact that seemingly everyone on earth watches the Marvel films now, they don't need 40 minutes of prime time TV each week to mention words like "tesseract", "gamma radiation" and "asgardian" for no reason").

I mentioned back when I previewed Guardians of the Galaxy that it seemed like a big risk for Marvel, away from the safe bosom of the Captain America and Iron Man films and could easily be too weird for much of the current core audience...

Enter Thor: The Dark World, your gateway into Weirdness 101.

   One of these men is the best piece of casting in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the other is pretty OK as well.

I'm not going to straight up review Thor, suffice to say that it's good, probably better than the first one, with some wildly inconsistent acting (Tom Hiddleston > Everyone Else > Kat Dennings > Anthony Hopkins), seeing Stringer Bell as a Marvel god is still awesome, and, for anyone who got hot under the collar watching Mama Mia!, there's a surprising amount of Stellan Skarsgard running around in the buff for you to enjoy.

For me, the most important job of Thor is to hold audiences just close enough to the waters of what I like to refer to as "ridiculous cosmic Marvel shit" that we'll all be willing to jump in headfirst by the time Guardians rolls around next year. In this job, Thor executes beautifully, starting with a montage showing Thor fighting over a number of different worlds (stone monsters in feudal Japan anyone?), introducing the film's bad guys, actual freaking Dark Elves(!) lead by bad guy de jour Christopher Ecclestone, ok, so they look like the bad guys from 300, but at least they're some alien baddies who talk, scheme and have a plan, unlike the mindless soldiers in The Avengers.  

There's some more cosmic power, this time it's the "aether", an ancient force of destruction which decides to hang out with Natalie Portman for most of the film, before emerging to become the usual power source of doom.  If this all sounds incredibly similar to the first Thor, it's deliberately intentional, as indicated in the fantastically weird mid credits scene (which I'm not going to talk about or spoil) which asks plenty of questions to be answered in phase 2 and beyond.

Some critics have attacked The Dark World for only showing glimpses of the worlds outside of Earth and Asgard, although, for me, that is the whole point.  By teasing us with morsels of these worlds, Marvel are building our anticipation for Guardians of The Galaxy, and for director James Gunn to (hopefully) throw back the covers and show us that, although Earth will probably play home to the final scenes of Avengers 3, the story has plenty of interesting places to take us to on the way there.    

Rant Time!: G.I. No!

I've just finished watching the worst film I can remember ever seeing, worse than any of the Underworld films, worse than Michael Bay's Transformers (the first one, the only one I've seen) and even worse than the Star Wars Prequels.

That film, is G.I. Joe: Retaliation.

                   Why does this film feel like it was made on a fraction of the first one's budget? What did they spend the cash on? Oh...

Disclaimer: I am not a childhood Joe fan, I was born too late for that, grew up in the UK and was into Transformers, Dinosaurs and Lassie (yes really, it was my first word) during my formative years.  As a result, the bashing I am about to give this film is entirely down to it being a god damn travesty of a motion picture, not some silly fanboy whinging (which I am sometimes prone to).  Also, I don't know if the dumb crap I'm getting mad at is terrible writing or some excellently placed true to comic reference, I know I'm a hypocrite but I'm not going to read a load of Joe comics just to help digest this film, I've just got to call it as I see it.

Lastly, I'm not a professional critic/reviewer, so don't expect structure, deconstruction or expert analysis, just me getting angry at films.

Right, lets get started.  2009's G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra was not a perfect film, I wouldn't even say it was a good film, but it was decent, it had a weird campy charm about it that reminded me of watching certain Bond films (specifically Moonraker and The Spy Who Loved Me) and did a good job of essentially being a Saturday morning cartoon blown up into a $170 million  movie (for better and for worse). The characters were broad strokes, but likable/memorable enough and I for one cared what happened to them.

So what did happen to them?  Well, for the most part they all disappeared. Sienna Miller? Gone. Joseph Gordon-Levitt? Gone. Christopher Ecclestone? Gone.

So the film starts with Channing Tatum (he's still here), The Rock (we'll go into this in more detail later) and Adrianne Palicki (doing a really terrible job of trying to break the "I used to be in Friday Night Lights" film curse) as well as some other army guys (supposedly the Joe's; Heavy Duty, Scarlett, Ripcord and Breaker are, you guessed it! Gone!) break into a North Korean army base and rescue a defector from captivity.  During this scene, Tatum drops a ton of terrible exposition on us telling us that following the "Nanobot War" (no time frame specified) he now leads the Joe's (who have gone from pretty much a private army with their own underground city base to about 30 guys with some fancy helicopters) and gives some brief info on the 3 or 4 guys likely to have more than 30 seconds of screen time: Duke (Tatum), Roadblock (Rock) Lady Jaye (Palicki) Snake Eyes (Ray "Darth Maul" Park, who doesn't turn up til like halfway through the film for some reason) and Flint (D.J Cotrona, who might as well have not been in the film, he does nothing).

Right, about The Rock, I like him, he was an entertaining wrestler, and he's a capable actor (who actually has an excellent balance between his imposing physical presence and his natural gift for comic delivery) but I really don't think he should ever be anywhere near a project like this.  He feels out of place, like dropping Rambo into the middle of Hot Shots, seeing him run around all serious cocking huge guns, moving "military style" like he's crapped himself and straight up murdering everyone in sight just spoils things a bit in my opinion.

So after the opening, and some bonding time between Rock and Tatum (they're best friends, despite the fact we never saw one of them before) the President (who is still the undercover COBRA guy, in a great "follow up to a cliffhanger which X-Men didn't have the balls to do anything with" move) asks the Joe's to grab a nuke from some base somewhere (even this soon in, I was getting pretty fatigued trying to comprehend the plot).  The mission goes off flawlessly, right until the end when a mysterious airstrike wipes out most of the Joe's, INCLUDING TATUM! One of the poster guys, gets nailed by an exploding jeep, just like that, for almost no reason, everyone's sad for about 5 minutes and then it's back to ass kicking.  Oh, he dies saving Flint, but there's no survivor guilt, character development or anything of substance there.  It's like some executive saw Tatum's paychecks coming out every week and thought "Shit, need to put a stop to that" and made some calls to the writers.  It's not quite the X-Men 3 Cyclops disappearance, but it's close.

While this is going on, Storm Shadow (the bad ninja, who wears white) breaks Cobra Commander out of the world's most inept prison by posing as Snake Eyes (the good ninja, who wears black) getting detained (in full body armor) then breaking free and grabbing his swords (which were kept like 6 feet away from him for some reason, if I ever have to detain a deadly ninja, I'm going to throw all his weapons into the damn sea before I lock him up).  Oh yeah, Commander and Destro were captured at some point, it was mentioned in passing.  So Commander breaks free and then randomly decides to just leave Destro, for no reason, abandoning his most trusted henchman, right before he sets off to start a war, marvelous.

The film then just devolves into a mess, Ray Stevenson turns up (as Firefly, an ex Joe working for COBRA, although it's not mentioned at all).  The evil fake president claimed that the Joe's went rogue and establishes COBRA as his new private security (despite, you know, Cobra Commander being a well known villain), the guards even wear little COBRA logo broaches on their suits, despite it being the same logo as evil organisation COBRA.  Cobra Commander reveals his evil plan, Project Zeus, basically Goldeneye on steriods, then proceeds to do nothing else for the rest of the film, he walks down some stairs, talks for about a minute and then does a runner off camera during the piss poor final battle.

Storm Shadow, burned badly helping Commander escape, has to get healed in the Himalayas for "reasons", has his mandatory ninja fight with Snake Eyes, then gets captured and taken to the Blind Master (RZA! Yay!) who reveals that he was manipulated into joining COBRA by Zartan (the disguise guy, who's now the president) who killed his mentor, the Hard Master (snigger), resulting in his expulsion from ninja school and a  massive leap of faith leading him to side with the bad guys for some reason.  So Shadow turns good, walks back into the COBRA base (despite having knowingly been captured, no one questions him at all) and waits.

Meanwhile, the Joe's track down the original Joe, played by Bruce Willis, who appears only to drop more exposition, give everyone massive guns and attempt to broaden the film's appeal, and, having learnt the plan from Storm Shadow, mount a full on (4 person) assault on COBRA.  Oh, and Bruce is dismissive of Lady Jaye, who despite not having shown an ounce of incompetence all film, is suddenly patronized and described as a disappointment to her military minded parents, because sexism.

So the big fight kicks off, Shadow turns good (after nonchalantly waiting while London gets totally destroyed, err cheers!) and murders the fake president guy (with the sword Snake Eyes gave him, because they're bros now), Commander just books it and disappears, Rock drives a terrible looking tank/car thing through what looks like a car park with some bags of sand dumped in it, then jumps out and kills Ray Stevenson with an exploding fly (really), pausing just long enough to hit the "cancel" button on the doomsday device (which, as well as cancelling the sequence, causes all the satellites to self destruct, also, it looks like it's the same button as the launch command, buggered if you accidentally press that twice!).

There's a medal presentation afterwards, and the real president pops up and says sorry (try convincing the world's media you were being impersonated when the evidence was completely destroyed) and Bruce Willis gives The Rock General Patton's gun so he can use it to kill Cobra Commander (this is entirely as ridiculous as it sounds).

So there it is, apologies if this is impossible to read, if it sounds like a colossal mess, that's because the film really is so disjointed and horrible.  If you can't follow it, give the film a watch, or just read the synopsis on Wikipedia, just don't spend any money on it.

Ben

Making Sense of Marvel: Should I Care About "Guardians Of The Galaxy"?

Hello all, I've been thinking for a while about how to follow up my Pacific Rim musings and, although I could probably write another 10 or so posts on what is probably going to end up as my film of the year, I figured I should probably do something a bit more useful/appealing.

As you may or may not know, San Diego Comicon took place last weekend.  Comicon has evolved over the last decade or so from a simple (but massive) comic trading convention into what has been called "the Cannes of geek cinema".  In particular, during the tentative first years of the Marvel Studios "Avengers" project (now regarded as "phase 1") it was a safe haven to show costumes, trailers, concept art and other bits off in front of a fairly loyal crowd.  Now days it's pretty much an early focus group for prospective geek/mainstream crossover films (read: comic/superhero films); come with the goods (Joss Whedon directing the Avengers!?) and the positive buzz generated can sustain a film through to opening day and beyond, fail to impress (looking at you Green Lantern) and well, Green Lantern happens.

This year, Marvel turned some mainstream news heads at their press conference, when, for an as yet un-hyped phase 2 film, Guardians of the Galaxy, Karen Gillan, Dr Who favorite, rising star and all around image of perfection (according to science, probably) turned up for the panel and did this*:

So there it is, Guardians of the Galaxy, but what is it, and should anyone care? Lets find out!

GotG first appeared in the comic world way back in 1969, in an alternate timeline (get used to alternate timelines, we're going to deal with a lot of them as we go exploring comic back-stories), however the current team were put together in 2008 by Dan Abnett, drawing characters from the Annihilation: Conquest crossover event to act as an intergalactic, proactive police force specializing in preventing attacks from other universes.

Cast:

The Guardians are:

Chris Pratt (Parks and Recreation) as Star Lord, a half human, half alien who serves as the team's leader and possesses increased strength and durability thanks to the suit he wears.  Imagine Marvel's take on Han Solo and you're pretty much there.

Dave Bautista (WWE Wrestler Batista) as Drax the Destroyer, a human who is killed along with his family by Thanos (remember him, from the Avengers credits scene?).  He is resurrected in a more powerful body for the sole purpose of destroying Thanos, pretty much a cold blooded killer.

Zoe Saldana (Avatar) as Gamora, an alien, the last of her species, raised and trained by Thanos, eventually turning against him.  She is a master assassin and combatant and has enhanced speed and strength as a result of treatments performed by Thanos.

Rounding out the team are Rocket Raccoon, a highly evolved raccoon and tactical and demolitions expert and Groot, a tree-like alien who can control trees, regrow himself and possesses a genius level intellect.

Both Rocket and Groot are as yet unrevealed in terms of casting, with an announcement expected "very, very soon".

I could go into the rest of the cast, Benicio Del Torro, John C. Riley, Karen Gillan and more, but this is going to go on forever if I do that.

So bottom line, should we care about Guardians of the Galaxy? Absolutely!  I'll admit, I kind of didn't give a damn before I started writing this post, but having dug a little into the universe, read an issue of the comic and explored a little of where the story could fit in with what we already have, I'm really excited to see it on the big screen.  Throw in that it's being directed by James Gunn (Super, Slither) and is more or less Marvel doing Firefly/Serenity then it should do enough to please.  Even more important is the role it will play in building the central Avengers story, adding a ton of depth and menace to Thanos, who (after more Comicon reveals) now won't pop up as a main bad guy until Avengers 3, as well as expanding the size and scope of the Marvel Studios Universe.

It's a risky move, a big departure from the safe "money" films Marvel have stuck to so far, but all the talent seems to be in place and if everything goes well it'll be a perfect change of pace before we get to Avengers 2 in 2015.  I'll be keeping my eye on this on, as we'll definitely find out more before it comes out in just over 12 months (August 1st 2014).

At least it'll be better than Green Lantern? Right?

Ben J

*on the Karen Gillan head shaving debate, as someone who is going alarmingly thin on top at the age of 25, I'm not the kind of person who particularly gives a damn about how someone wears/cuts their hair.  Personally I think it's a bit sad/verging on sexist that any woman is 2013 has to be labeled as brave or courageous for altering her appearance to deviate from gender stereotypes.  That said, it generated plenty of publicity for the film, Karen still looks lovely and I'm sure she'll have a great time counting the fat stacks of cash she probably made by taking the role on.  Everybody wins!

Pacific Rim (or how Guillermo del Toro saved my childhood)

It's 3.55 on Friday the 12th of July, I walked out of Pacific Rim just over an hour ago, the bus journey home was 40 minutes of torturous heat, it took serious effort for me to not get sweat on my limited edition poster (see below) but I don't care, my head is still spinning.  Long story short, your mileage may vary, but, for me, Pacific Rim was as close to a "perfect" summer blockbuster film as I suspect I will ever see.

Ok, long story time, in order to get across how Pacific Rim made me feel, I need to go into some detail about my childhood, don't worry, I'll be as brief as possible.  When was about 4 or 5, my mum took on more hours in work, including working every Friday, as my Dad worked shift patterns as a firefighter (4 days working, 4 days off) I usually had to spend about 2 Fridays a month at my Nan's, staying over until Saturday morning.

As I'm the oldest of my generation, my Nan's "first grandchild" if you will, my Nan had nothing in her house to entertain me.  So she did the decent thing, she went to every charity shop, bargain bin and video rental shop (remember those?) to grab as many cheap "boy friendly" cartoons/shows as she could.  I spent a lot of time watching those videos, to the point where to this day I can still remember all the plot points of the stories, if not the titles.  There was an eclectic mix of Transformers, generic dubbed Japanese mecha anime, Thunderbirds and classic Godzilla movies.  Within the first 5 minutes of Pacific Rim, I was face to face with HD, 3D, IMAX sized reminders of all those hours spent watching videos with my Nan, I didn't stand a chance.

There's a saying I'm quite fond of: "Never argue with an idiot, they'll just bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience", Pacific Rim brought me down to it's level, it's a film for 12 year olds who like bashing their toys together and throwing them round their bedroom.  Where it spectacularly succeeded, is that it made me feel like a 12 year old again.  I was scared by things that shouldn't scare me, I cared about characters other reviewers said were unlikable and I was moved by dialogue which could probably be described as boiler plate.

So about the film, I'm not going to spoil anything, but giant robot/monster fights are on the poster and each one is easily worth the price of admission.  I thought Man of Steel had satisfying conflict until today, combatants go at it like they should for beings which are described by one character as "2500 tons of awesome".  Every punch has tremendous weight, every impact resonates through the whole cinema, the choreography is spot on as well, this isn't the Yoda lightsaber fights from the Star Wars prequels with back flips for back flips sake, this is two forces of nature straining against each other, using any means necessary to win a battle to the death.

In between the epic smackdowns are, obviously, some quieter scenes.  While some have expressed displeasure or disappointment at these parts, I found them to do a perfectly serviceable job of building both the characters and the world.  The world in particular is beautifully imagined, with a real "lived in" feel and great details (one example being how, in contrast to our own society, beachfront housing and property on the water is considered the domain of the poor/working class, with richer citizens now living inland, further from potential monster landing sites).  The script also moves along at a great pace, not lingering too long on any particular scenario and making sure the 2 hour 10 minute run time seems more like 90.

To sum up, it was going to take some spectacular balls up for me to not love Pacific Rim, the film reaches right back into my childhood memories and flicks all my switches.  If you can't recall those experiences, if you never had them, or if you need every film you watch to have a profound message and an Oscar winning script then you'll probably hate this film, and I won't be upset, because it's probably not for everyone.  If you're on the fence, please go and give this a try, if you're deciding between this and Grown Ups 2, I implore you to give your money to this film instead.  Del Toro took a massive risk making a $180 million, lovingly crafted, passionately filmed masterpiece of a Summer blockbuster and he hit it clean out of the park.

                                                                                                                              Ben J

P.S The 3D is well worth it, coming from someone who prefers not to bother if possible, it's handled excellently and really gives a great sense of depth in the fight scenes.

P.P.S Stay through the credits.